Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
