i think i have two assholes
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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