How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
