she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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