Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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