You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
