just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
