I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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