I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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