Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
she told me i tasted like america
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
