were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
