dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
The air taste purple.
Randomize
