it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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