I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
