i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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