Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
