i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
