She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
