Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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