Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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