It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
