I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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