I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
