my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He shit in the fireplace
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
