You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Welp...herpes.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
