So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
