i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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