Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
