dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
