You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
