I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
