Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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