We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
