Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
