I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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