I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
