RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
