Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
