You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
