Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I need to calm my uterus...
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
