I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
