I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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