I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
