He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Randomize
