I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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