Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
