Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Also, beer. Big fan.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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