just come out here and I will go home with you...
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
