someone get that fucking seahorse.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
