i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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