Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
