There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
