Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
